Saturday, December 30, 2006
What can ever the worst tings that can ever happen in ur life?lost of gd frends , family members, n wat is more?I jus started to lost everytings that i had within 1 day....n i cant get it bak...i cant let it go to...well it mayb stupid for some of u cos wat i do mayb realli stupid but wat i did is jus abt all for 1 person...a gal heart....wat is a true love is abt?I mayb had the true love feeling towards her... and that is y mayb i m hurt so deeply n yet willing to forgive her for wat she did n hw she treat mi...but y still cant she come bak?i jus dunnoe....izzt that she tinks that i m realli angry abt her for tis?i told her no....but yet.... the storys goes lyk tis read it n pls i wan comment from u all....jus dun reply mi stupid tings will do...on the 11 / 12 / 2006 that very single day was a monday...i was off frm work...i work as a part time worker at a 5Star hotel in singapore...well u noe 5Stars hotel are all very strict wif hw u work n everytings even ur finger nails, hair n more...cos they ned u to look smart n not some gangster looking...i worked there for abt 1month n on tis 11/12/2006 was a day that hit mi n give mi a shock...she suddenly at msn told mi that she wanted a break up...it was in the afternoon...i asked her wat happen y did she wan a break up in a sudden?well i noe sometings was not right b4 the break up cos the last 2nites i have been asking her if one day she will run wif some other guys or wat...she did not reply my msg n in the morning i asked her again she keep quite...that was when i found out sometings is amiss but wat?so on that day when she asked a break i asked her for a reason n she lie to mi...she say she wan to b alone n dun wan carry on the relationship...n i dun believe...so i asked her to called mi n she did...after some time i tok to her on the phone, she admit she did not break jus bcoz she wan b alone...but she a new guy on the net by gaming....n tis guy is a 19yrs old kid...well i got angry at 1st that she lie to mi abt the break up...but tis still dun hurt mi as much... wat hurt mi the most is she lie to mi n break wif mi for another guy...when we was tgt...she always said she is scare that i might jus leave her alone n go wif some other gals...i told her i will nv leave her side cos i m truthly in love wif her....n worst come to the worst...she nv met that guy in person b4 but jus noe him a week+ n she fall for him...i was in the relationship wif her for 6months n noe her for abt 1year+ to wat i noe she is not a kind of person lyk tis...she jus change out of the sudden...
well i cant say anytings...when a break up comes, there is no 1 who is not in fault...or who's right...cos mayb i work n had not much time to spent wif her...but after all i can dun ned to work...i come frm a avg family n not in ned of money to use at all....but jus that christmas is reaching n after christmas not long will b valentine time day after that 2 day after the valentine day would b her brithday...well all tis days are very close n my saving frm sch pocket money is not euff for all tis...so i hav to work n earn some money....n money dun come easy...that is y i went to work after all i still own some handphone bills wif him n other stuff cos i asked him to lend mi money to buy tings... so i went to work n earn money...well i dun realli enjoy to work cos is tired n i worked at the hotel almost everytime i work i will hav different injury...the finger or wat...once i still grt a bodyache all over cos i worked for 14hrs+ nearly to 15hrs...n i was not feeling well at all that day...i work almost 4days or 5days a week so at least i can rest a bit n oso accpany her...cos i m scare she might feel lonely...everynite after work 1st tings was not to rush to change clothes to go home...but to use my handphone call her n tok to her...i wanted to jus tok to her awhile even hw tired i m, i nv fail to call her str8 after work...but when it was near the break up she jus hardly care abt mi...she jus ask mi go home n slp rest early...i tot she realli noe i m tired sometimes...that was y i was quite happy at the monment...but who noes...it was gonig to break up soon...
During tis 6month it can say was a short time but oso to mi tis 6month was jus lyk a few years...everyday we chat n play online games tgt...n i went to her house a few time after sch....n we did a lot of stuff tgt...i rmb alot of tings we did...cos watever i do nw it make mi remind of her....she is jus lyk been plant on my brain n goes around in my mind non-stop...that 6month i changed a lot b4 we were tgt as a couple...i did change a bit of myself...cos my temper is very bad n after that we were tgt...she changed mi a lot...she even make mi get myself to b more muture...i was alrdy 16 but watever i do that time in my sec sch...i nv realli put anytings in mind b4...even exams i oso did not realli care abt it i was lyk a person who has no goal n no target not even noe how to treasure tings that is around mi....she changed mi indeed...my frend who was wif mi the past 4 years in my sec sch all said i changed alot...even that my bad temper is is there but i dun get angry easily at all anymore...nw i m 17...n after tml nite it is going to b a new year n is 2007...which i m going 2 b 18...she may not look pretty but wat make her so pretty was not her body or wat...but her heart, her kindness...during tis 6month not that i hav change a lot i even learn to treasure tings that is still here...i even learn 2 give up tings for her...
To say abt the break up, everyone is in fault...i work n did not accpany her mayb my fault but i tried my best to accpany her but even so she nv asked mi to accpany her oso....i try 2 accpany her the best alrdy...she wan mi to play audition wif her...i did not wanted to cos it is jus so hard to play...there is once i play bak when i told her i wanted to quit the game...then suddenly she said i change...well so i realli quit the game n did not play that game wif her but i did play other game wif her...and how abt her?she was at fault to...she did not tell mi that the guy love her n flirt her...she jus keep quite scare that i might not let her contact that guy...but hey she is wif mi...hw can she keep tis frm mi?i noe all tis only after the break up...well i did told her b4...if she realli wan make frend wif ppl whom i dislike or dun wan her to contact, she can jus let mi noe at most i will mayb spent a bit more time to look wat is going on...even b4 she noe tis guy i always ask her a lot who is tis guy n that cos i jus wan to noe n make sure she dun learn bad or get cheated...she is easily been cheat n i m scare she might get cheat n still did not noe it...i m scare that 1 day she might cry until no tears when she was been cheated...she as a gf should noe n stay a distance frm that guy but she did not...she did not tell mi she noe tis guy oso...even her best frend side on her...letting mi wear the green hat...her best frend noe it n did not tell mi at all...can u imag all the ppl around u hiding a screct frm u...n u are been keep in the dark...how does it feel?And for that guy?yes of cos he is in fault too...he knew that she had a bf, y did he still wan come in n join us?been a 3rd party is fun?breaking other couple up is gd?is that wat his parents n teacher teach in?flirt some others ppl bf/gf is not sometings everyone of us here wan... how i hope tis guy next time when he married his wife is been played or run wif another guy n he will noe the feeling of been cheated n having a 3rd party inbetween his relationship...
And right now...i lost everytings...cos to mi she is my everytings...n i almost everytings is gone...cos 1st i lost my gf n it was her who given mi a lot of happyness n oso other tings...after that i lost a lot tings esle...small tings...jus too much to b said...n now even my studies...i had a very poor marks after i study very hard for it... i lost almost all....n now everyday i was so moody...having no mood at all...even my good frends who are lyk brothers to mi they bring mi out to catch a movie n go out walk...but i was so moody for it...i had no mood watching the movie even it is realli funny...i realli did not noe wat to do right nw...i jus feel lyk crying again....it hurt mi jus too much too deeply...i nv wan anytings much frm her jus to be tgt n b happy...right now i jus wan a patch wif her...u may tink i m stupid but i m truthly in love wif her...so how?wat can i do?i noe there are better gals who is outside waiting...but good gals dun come easy n oso many gals nowdays who are good either found a bf alrdy or had someone in their mind...i jus dunnoe wat to do...i jus feel lyk dying off...since nth is left much for mi...i cant take wat is going on anymore...nw i lost so many tings...wat is next there for the bad tings to happen?to lost my arm?finger?my leg?or my head?or my frends?my family? i cant carry on lyk tis...i cant take watever is going on...the good tings dun happen on mi but always on others...n the bad tings jus happen time after time jus on mi....is tis fair?or the god is trying to play a fool wif mi? wat she did was nv fair to mi...each time we fight on the phone or wat...it was mi always saying "sorry" even it was her fault...well i noe she is in fault but y did i say "sorry"?but if it make her happy or make her feel better i will do it...that is y i said "sorry" to her...each time she hang my phone n was angry mi it was mi who call bak no matter is my fault anot...i alrdy let her win a lot...relationship is 2 person who is gonig love n care for each other...not onli tis...relationship is to let each others a step so that u wont have a deadly fight among the two... i always try my best to make her happy n feel the greatest n oso cos i love her alot...if she asked mi to rob a bank n give mi a gun...i might jus do it even that i noe i will not b able to get away wif the robbing but is she is happy i m jus willing to do it for her...
i realli cant take all tis...i m so tired...n sick of tis...i cant slp well all the nite tis days...cos even when i wanted to slp i would rmb her...cos i used to hug her n slp b4...she is still very young....12years old...n that guy is a 19years old...who will believe that the guy is in realli love her other den jus wan to hav sex wif her n say gd bye to her?i told her to bcareful wif that guy cos he asked mi ques. lyk if i had sex wif her b4 all tis...it come to a person mind 1st tings is y he ask tis?n he asked mi...n to wat i believe he jus wan to fuck a virgin gal....not only mi who tinks tis way...all my frend did the same...i warned her...she did not realli beleive mi n asked the guy if he did ask....when i was wif her i respect wif all her ans on everytings even i respect her if she wanted sex a not...cos truth love will only respect the ans frm her...if i wanted i can jus have sex wif her wif-out asking her but...i respect her n i love her...that is y i respect wat she said...if she ask mi to stop during sex i will oso jus becos i respect her...even she disapoint mi i will still not get sad or angry jus becos i respect her...wat if is other ppl?will they stop?will the respect her ans?many guys who went for a relationship is jus wan hav sex wif the ladys or gals...i had frend who is lyk tis n not onli 1 but many...that is y i warn her...i even have gal that i noe they went around n look for guys n jus to hav sex n the relationship is jus lyk a fake one... i jus dunnoe hw to tok to her anymore...i wan giv up my life...i jus wan to die off...i m so tried...i mayb too young for relationship but...i m truthly in love wif her...that is y i cant let it go off...i cant forget it...i can forgiv her...n willing to patch wif her...all tis days i did told her that i wanted to die n i did a few time stand a rooftop in the mid-nite...n rest there all tis...i tink of alot tings....i jus feel lyk jump off....but each time...she called mi at that very monment maknig mi to stop tinking of dying...once there is my good frends wif mi up there sitting n tok...i suddenly jus feel lyk jump down they try to stop mi...but again she called...it make mi change my mind to jump each time...
wat should i do?i cant live on lyk tis...it is jus lyk living in the hell....the pain in the heart is so unbearable...if right now some1 take a knife n poke mi i can say i cant feel lthe pain...the hurt in my heart is cant compare wif the kinfe poking mi....i may not even noe i was been poke...i tot of going to china wif my grandfather next year not sure when but if i go i will go to the high temple to b monk...mayb i can find peace there...but c hw tings goes...i cant take it anymore...jus wan to die off...but she dun allow mi to do so...she said if i were to die i would make her guilty for life...n ppl would blame her...but y cant i?wat for she feel guilty?since she can let the relationship go off...n lyk she is not realli care abt the break up y feel guilty if i die?rite?
I hope some1 who passby tis blog n after reading would giv mi advise...i m realli confuess...i dunnoe wat to do...i realli wan giv up my life...tis world sux...is not fair at all...nv was it a fair world...mayb that is y there are laws, n enforcers (polices) n oso many others tings...trying to make tis world fair?it will nv b n nv will b...life is not a bed of rose but a bed full of spikes that will poke u to death...living in tis world tis the worst tings that can happen...i guess...
Pls giv mi some advise...any1 pls...mayb u can ask ur frend to drop by n help giving comment...i m realli sick n tired...i dunnoe where to turn to anymore...jus lyk at the end of the cliff...either i jump down...or i turn bak...but turning bak is not possiable after so many tings had happen... pls help mi if u can...realli...i dunnoe wat to do nw...
